The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

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I gave a PS5 to my girlfriend..

Previous Dates

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Tell me ONE thing wrong with overstocking grocery shelves. Go on.

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I'd like to start dieting...

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How do you make any boat a hat?

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What do you call an old, Spanish man?

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Rocks don't get the respect they deserve.

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Interviewer: We're looking for someone who is responsible. Do you fit that criteria?

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I didn't think orthopedic shoes would help

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If I had a shoe for every ginger I knew ...

-1

Knock-knock! Who's there? Uphill. Uphill who?

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What are a communist's favorite units of time?

2

Chinese take out: 8 dollars. Tip: 2 dollars. Getting home to find out they forgot part of your order...

0

Why do barbers make good drivers?

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Time flies when you're having fun.

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What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor?

-1

I absolutely hate people who talk behind my back.

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So I asked the dude next to me if he knew the chemical symbol for sodium hypobromite, and he was all like,

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Toy story 4 used to have a scene where Woody's friends died.

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Why do all kids want to be an astronaut?

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While most puns make me numb...

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Matt Damon is severely depressed because he keeps getting typecast as an action hero.

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A couple of research scientists had twins.

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Driver: Officer, are you actually crying while writing my ticket?

0

Why did The Joker have to sleep with his lights on?

0

Why was Pavlov’s hair so soft?

1

What's the difference between ignorance, apathy, and ambivalence?

0

What did Beethoven become after he died?

1

What do you call an iron deficient female?

0

My friend is obsessed with taking blurry pictures of himself while taking a shower.

0

What do you call someone who sells noodles for money?

0

I told my son people keep accidentally pleading for me to purchase meat for them. He asked, “By mistake?”

4

What is Bruce Lee’s favorite drink?