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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
Todays Joke
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I gave a PS5 to my girlfriend..
I consoled her. She was crying.
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Previous Dates
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What do you call 52 pieces of bread?
A deck of carbs!
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1
How did the whale defend itself?
With a swordfish.
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0
Broken bridges really annoy me.
I just can't get over them!
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Why did the archaeologist have a breakdown?
His career was in ruins.
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How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together.
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Why is the letter B so cool?
Because it’s sitting in the middle of the AC
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Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?
He won the 'No-Bell' prize.
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Wanna hear a dirty joke?
A white horse in a mud puddle.
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Why do trees have so many friends?
They branch out.
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Want to hear a joke about sodium hypobromite?
NaBrO.
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What do you call a walking stick that makes you walk faster?
A hurricane.
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I don’t mean to toot my own horn
But sometimes I have trouble getting into the driver’s seat.
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Why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie?
He was too far out, man.
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Rated
This joke will be underrated.
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What sound does a bouncing plane make?
Boeing boeing boeing...
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What do you call a bad interior decorator?
An inferior decorator
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Why don't seagulls fly over the bay?
Because then they would be bagels
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1
My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type
As he died, he kept insisting "be positive", but it's hard without him.
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I took a selfie after my kidney removal surgery
Hashtag nofilter
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At first I thought it was great marrying an archeologist...
But then I found out she was a gold digger and my life is in ruins!
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3
I just took an AND test
Turns out I’m 100% dyslexic.
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0
Apparently you can't use "beefsoup" as a password.
It isn't stroganoff.
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My brother and I laugh at how competitive we were as kids.
But I laugh more.
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What is a mummy's favorite music genre?
Wrap
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My wife made me a millionaire
Granted I was a billionaire before I met her.
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I said to my wife, "They say that childbirth is the most painful thing someone can experience..."
"Now, maybe I was too young to remember, but I didn't think it hurt that much."
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Do you know why I can’t be buried in a cemetery?
Because I’m still alive.
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What do you call a dog without legs?
It doesn’t matter. It won’t come if you call it.
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1
A joke about herd immunity isn't funny unless..
..everyone gets it.
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-1
My blind friend was left by his deaf wife.
He didn't see the signs.
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What do you call a sketchy Italian neighbourhood?
A spaghetto
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Joke of the Day
I gave a PS5 to my girlfriend..
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