The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

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Wanna hear something breathtaking

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6

If you become seriously depressed, try drinking a gallon of water just before you go to bed.

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I know a lot of jokes about retired people…

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My friend couldn't afford to pay his water bill.

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Where do the boats go when they get sick?

1

My therapist told me to write letters to people I hated and then burn them.

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What does a turtle do on their birthday?

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What do you call karate for amputees?

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Teacher: Did your father help you with your homework?

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Grandpa: Don't come in here honey, I just passed a silent one.

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Knock-knock! Who's there? Duet. Duet who?

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I wrote a sequel to the movie "Airplane"

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I love short people

1

The doctor sat me down and gently revealed to me that my child is a boy trapped in a girls body.

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Tell me ONE thing wrong with overstocking grocery shelves. Go on.

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I'd like to start dieting...

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How do you make any boat a hat?

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What do you call an old, Spanish man?

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Rocks don't get the respect they deserve.

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Interviewer: We're looking for someone who is responsible. Do you fit that criteria?

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I didn't think orthopedic shoes would help

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If I had a shoe for every ginger I knew ...

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Knock-knock! Who's there? Uphill. Uphill who?

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What are a communist's favorite units of time?

2

Chinese take out: 8 dollars. Tip: 2 dollars. Getting home to find out they forgot part of your order...

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Why do barbers make good drivers?

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Time flies when you're having fun.

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What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor?

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I absolutely hate people who talk behind my back.

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So I asked the dude next to me if he knew the chemical symbol for sodium hypobromite, and he was all like,

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Toy story 4 used to have a scene where Woody's friends died.

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Why do all kids want to be an astronaut?