The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

0

What did the sushi say to the bee?

Previous Dates

-2

What's funny about 3 helium atoms?

0

My son turned 18 today so I bought him a locket and put his picture in it...

0

I met Bruce Lee’s vegetarian brother today.

0

Someone insulted me on my monitor's refresh rate,

0

I took the shell of my racing snail, thinking it would help him run faster.

1

My six-pack is very precious to me.

0

I call my toilet "the jim" instead of "the john."

0

Teacher (on phone): You say Michael has a cold and can't come to school today? To whom am I speaking?

2

My dad banned me from saying "Hell", so I asked: "Have you thought of any alternative names for hell?"

0

Did you hear what happened to the Turkey?

0

I saw a sign that said 'watch for children'..

0

If you’ve heard of Murphy’s law, which is that anything that can go wrong will go wrong, then have you heard of Cole’s law?

0

How many apples grow on a tree?

0

Did you hear about the fight that broke out at the seafood restaurant?

0

My friend is obsessed with taking blurry pictures of himself while taking a shower.

0

I quit my job as a mailman when they handed me the first letter to deliver.

0

I hate being bipolar,

0

Why did the blind lady fall into the well?

0

What do you call it when Batman skips church?

0

What do you use to keep your ig from falling off?

0

Why did Mr Ohm propose to Mrs Ohm?

0

The recipe said, “Set the oven to 180 degrees.”

0

My parents would always feed me alphabet soup when I was younger and they’d insist that I liked it

0

What does a panda fry its bamboo in?

0

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it…

0

What’s a dogs’ favorite part of a stick?

0

Yesterday the doctor told me I was colourblind.

0

A skeleton walks into a bar

0

What time did the man go to the dentist?

0

Why did the orange get stuck up the on the mountain?

0

My girlfriend yelled at me today saying, “You weren’t even listening just now, were you?!”