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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
Todays Joke
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Daughter: Where are the Himalayas?
Father: If you'd clean your room, you'd know where to find things!
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Previous Dates
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I ate a clock last week.
I had difficulty passing time.
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I really hate the direction my country is moving...
but I don't really understand tectonic shift so not a whole lot I can do about it.
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Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
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Knock-knock! Who's there? Kumquat. Kumquat who?
Kumquat may, I'll always love you.
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Give a man a plane ticket, he'll fly for a day.
Push a man out of a plane, he'll fly for the rest of his life
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Golf pro: Now I want you to go through the motions without actually hitting the ball.
Student: But that's what I always do!
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What does a panda fry its bamboo in?
A pan, duh.
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What did the vegetarian say to the doctor?
I feel good from my head tomatoes.
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Why haven’t aliens visited us yet?
They saw the rating- only one star.
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-1
Many people have decent hand-eye coordination.
But pirates have good eye-eye coordination.
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1
How did the whale defend itself?
With a swordfish.
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Husband: Whisper dirty things to me.
Wife: The garage, the driveway, your car...
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What color do cats like best?
Purrrrple.
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What do you call it when you go back for another helping of ice cream?
Secondairy.
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Not to brag, but I beat the state chess champion in less than 5 moves.
Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.
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Why was the Genie angry?
Because someone rubbed him the wrong way.
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-1
I used to be addicted to the Hokey Pokey.
But then I turned myself down.
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How can you tell an ant’s gender?
Put it in water. If it sinks it’s a girl ant, If it floats it’s buoyant
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1
My daughter was playing with my computer and she broke the R button and tried to eat it.
She craves anarchy.
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If number 666 is evil
25.8069758011 is the root of all evil.
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Why was the Argentine man shaky?
Due to his-panic attacks
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What do you call ghost poop?
Boo Boo
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1
I accidentally swallowed some scrabble tiles.
My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.
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What does a 6'5" butcher weigh?
Meat
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1
How do you feed 1000 people with one loaf of bread?
You cut the ends and now you have endless bread.
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Do you think..
Earth makes fun of other planets for having no life?!
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2
What do you get when you cross the Atlantic on the Titanic?
About half way...
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My orchestra buddy wanted to bring his fiddle to a protest. I told him not to.
In a peaceful protest, there's no need for violins.
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3
When is a car not a car?
When it turns into a driveway!
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Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
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it all
the title says it all...
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Daughter: Where are the Himalayas?
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