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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
Todays Joke
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Daughter: Where are the Himalayas?
Father: If you'd clean your room, you'd know where to find things!
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Previous Dates
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No one: literally no one:
0,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,0
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What did the bystander say to the abusive farmer?
Stop beating your meat!
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A sperm donor, a carpenter, and Julius Caesar walk into a bar.
He came, he saw, he conquered.
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A Chinese child was born before his due date...
His parents named him "Sudden Lee"
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Why aren't Koalas actual bears?
They don't meet the koalafications.
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Me: Honey, I'm terrified of vowels. Wife: Ummm, why?
Me: Only sometimes.
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I like my women the way I like my coffee.
I don't like coffee.
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What's a drunk astronauts favourite part of a computer?
The space bar
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I'm not fat.
Just horizontally tall.
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You know what actually makes me smile?
My Facial muscles
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Knock-knock! Who's there? Donohue. Donohue who?
Donohue think you can hide your grades from me!
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Why don’t you hear psychiatrists when they go to the bathroom?
The p is silent.
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0
At any given moment, the urge to sing, “The Lion Sleeps Tonight”
is just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away.
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2
We would tell you another swimming joke,
but it's too watered down to be funny.
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0
How did Jesus get so strong?
Cross fit
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My daughter thinks I’m overprotective and nosy
At least that’s what she wrote in her diary.
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People say crochet is like knitting,
but it's knot.
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What's a cannibal?
Someone who is fed up with people.
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Why does the man want to buy nine rackets?
Cause tennis too many.
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17
Why did the bullet end up losing his job?
He got fired.
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Two satellites decided to get married. The wedding wasn't great...
However, the reception was amazing
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The circle is just the most ridiculous shape in the world.
There's absolutely no point to it.
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What are the four worst words you can hear on a golf course?
"It's still your turn."
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My wife won't come to Mexico with me.
She thinks I will try tequila.
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Why does the Little Mermaid wear seashells?
Because B-shells are too small, and D-shells are too big.
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Dad Jokes are the best. Now I will say why.
Why.
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Why do dads tell dad jokes?
Because they want to see their kids all groan up.
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I can’t believe that even after 15 years of the show ending, people are still making “Friends” references.
No one told me life was gonna be this way.
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Pride is what you feel when your kids net $100 from a garage sale.
Panic is what you feel when you realize your car is missing.
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What did the hat say to the hat rack?
You stay here. I’ll go on a head.
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What did the pencil say to the paper?
I dot my eyes on you.
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Joke of the Day
Daughter: Where are the Himalayas?
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