The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

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Daughter: Where are the Himalayas?

Previous Dates

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I dropped an egg onto a concrete floor and it didn't break.

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Not to brag, but I have sychic powers.

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My wife and I share the same sense of humour.

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What do Spanish clocks say?

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I was kidnapped by mimes once

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Do windmills like punk rock?

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Why don’t vampires go to barbecues?

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Why did the farmer win an award?

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My kid’s pet rabbit named Gotye ran away a few days ago, and we can’t find it.

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What do you call a funny hill?

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Mom: I thought you said you were running away with the circus.

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What do you call a funny jar of mayonnaise?

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My girlfriend got mad at me for being lazy

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What did the sushi say to the bee?

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What's funny about 3 helium atoms?

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My son turned 18 today so I bought him a locket and put his picture in it...

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I met Bruce Lee’s vegetarian brother today.

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Someone insulted me on my monitor's refresh rate,

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I took the shell of my racing snail, thinking it would help him run faster.

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My six-pack is very precious to me.

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I call my toilet "the jim" instead of "the john."

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Teacher (on phone): You say Michael has a cold and can't come to school today? To whom am I speaking?

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My dad banned me from saying "Hell", so I asked: "Have you thought of any alternative names for hell?"

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Did you hear what happened to the Turkey?

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I saw a sign that said 'watch for children'..

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If you’ve heard of Murphy’s law, which is that anything that can go wrong will go wrong, then have you heard of Cole’s law?

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How many apples grow on a tree?

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Did you hear about the fight that broke out at the seafood restaurant?

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My friend is obsessed with taking blurry pictures of himself while taking a shower.

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I quit my job as a mailman when they handed me the first letter to deliver.

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I hate being bipolar,