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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
Todays Joke
1
What is the opposite of a croissant?
A happy uncle.
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Previous Dates
0
What did the DJ name his newborn son?
Eric
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0
I’m so good at sleeping…
I can do it with my eyes closed!
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0
Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me.
It means a lot.
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0
Converting the number 51, 6 and 500 to Roman numerals doesn’t just make me mad....
It makes me LIVID.
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0
I asked my dad for his best dad joke and he said,
‘You.’
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0
Have you heard about the pope's kitten addiction?
He's a catoholic
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0
Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
He was feeling crummy.
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0
Does anyone know how to catch a polar bear?
First cut a hole in the ice and throw some peas in it... then hide, when the polar bear comes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole....
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0
The Only Thing Flat-Earthers Fear...
is sphere itself.
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0
Did you hear about the human cannonball?
Too bad he got fired!
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1
I'm going to start a bar and call it "the Morgue"
It's a place where you can crack open a cold one with the boys.
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1
How did the whale defend itself?
With a swordfish.
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0
I was arrested for stealing cooking utensils
But it was worth the whisk
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0
What is a row of iron cats?
A [Fe] line.
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0
When do you know when the moon has had enough to eat?
When it's full.
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0
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
It's Christmas, Eve!
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0
What do you call an old, Spanish man?
A senõr citizen.
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0
My wife says I'm addicted to drinking brake fluid
Joke's on her, I can stop whenever I like
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0
Why did Cinderella get kicked off the football team?
Because she kept running from the ball!
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0
Dad, did you get a haircut?
No, I got them all cut.
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0
If spaghetti made an action movie, what would it be called?
Mission impastable
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0
Why was Nala so upset with Simba?
He was always lion.
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0
What did the fat girl say to the pig?
Da-hammm
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0
What happens when a Male rectangle sees a female rectangle?
It becomes an erectangle
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0
I watched a movie about graphs last night, but I was slightly disappointed.
The plot was predictable, and the special f(x) was terrible.
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1
My daughter was playing with my computer and she broke the R button and tried to eat it.
She craves anarchy.
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0
What's the best part about living in Switzerland?
I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.
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0
What do women and google have in common?
They don't let you finish a sentence without making a suggestion.
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0
They laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian.
They’re not laughing now.
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-1
What training do you need to become a garbage collector
None you just pick it up as you go along
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0
My dad works as a clown.
He's a joke.
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Joke of the Day
What is the opposite of a croissant?
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