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Time flies when you're having fun.
When you're not having fun it usually takes the bus.
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Today is a day to celebrate motherfuckers.
Happy Father's Day!
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I called the tinnitus hotline
But it just kept ringing
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Therapist: Your wife has complained you never buy her flowers, what do you have to say to that?
Well, in my defense, I never knew she sold flowers.
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My girlfriend got mad at me for being lazy
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