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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
Todays Joke
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Wanna hear something breathtaking
Asthma
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Previous Dates
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A photon checks into a hotel, and the bellhop says, "Can I get your bags for you?"
"No need, good sir," replies the photon. "I'm traveling light."
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I love going outdoors...
It's much safer than going outwindows.
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I can’t believe that even after 15 years of the show ending, people are still making “Friends” references.
No one told me life was gonna be this way.
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Puns leave me numb.
Mathematical puns leave me number.
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Soccer striker: I had an open goal but still I didn't score. I could kick myself.
Manager: I wouldn't bother. You'd probably miss.
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Why couldn't the astronaut land on the moon?
Because it was full.
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Why did the wolf meditate?
To become aware wolf!
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A man I know brings cheese from home to put on his fast food burgers instead of paying extra.
He's a pretty Krafty guy.
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What's the difference between a baseball hitter and a skydiver?
The baseball player goes "smack!...ARGH!" A skydiver goes "ARGH!...smack!"
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Did you hear about the twins who got an apartment together?
Before they were roommates they were wombmates.
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3
If I had to rate our solar system
I'd give it 1 star
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What does Pac-Man eat with his chips?
Guacawakamole.
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Dad to his daughter: "Never forget, sweetie, you're unique,
like everyone else."
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1
I can't stand stair lifts.
They drive me up the wall!
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Kid: Dad, can you teach me how to play chess?
Dad: Sure, let me pick up a board at the pawn shop.
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How do billboards communicate?
Sign language
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My girlfriend just asked me what state was below Tennessee...
Nine-esse
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Narnia was a really progressive film
Most of the main characters came out of the closet
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As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden.
The plot thickens.
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3
A man came up to me and said "Man, your clothes look gay".
I said "I know, they came out of the closet this morning".
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Dads are like boomerangs
I hope
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Why did the mexican gang fail?
It only had Juan member
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What did the unborn twins say when they were hungry?
Feedus
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What type of people never get angry?
The nomads.
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My friend bit off his tongue.
He doesn’t like to talk about it.
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1
What's it called when a chameleon can't change color?
Reptile dysfunction.
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I've started investing in stocks...
Mostly beef, chicken, and vegetable. One day I hope to be a bouillonaire.
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I had to give up on my idea to create a miniature flamethrower
It was burning a hole in my pocket
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1
If your mom slaps you with high frequency
It Hertz
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Today, I accidentally played dad instead of dead when a bear was running at me
He can now ride a bike without training wheels
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What do you call a sheep without legs?
A cloud.
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Wanna hear something breathtaking
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