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What's the difference between a kleptomaniac and a literalist?
The literalist takes things literally. The kleptomaniac takes things, literally.
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My wife swiped our debit card on my butt crack.
She said "transaction denied, insufficient buns."
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I really want to buy one of the grocery checkout dividers
but the lady behind the counter keeps putting it back
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Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward.
That’s just how I roll.
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Daughter: Where are the Himalayas?
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