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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
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“Dear Diary, I think I have trouble distinguishing between inanimate objects and human beings.”
My therapist: Yes, I see that. Stop calling me Diary.
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I was driving when I saw a hitch hiker, so I stopped and picked him up. He said “Woah, I can't believe you actually picked me up. What if I was a serial killer?”
I said “Not likely, I mean what are the odds of two of them being in the same car?”
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I ate a clock last week.
I had difficulty passing time.
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Dad: Doctor, help me! I'm addicted to Twitter.
Doctor: Sorry, I don't follow you.
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I left $100 in my suit jacket at the dry cleaners.
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