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“Dear Diary, I think I have trouble distinguishing between inanimate objects and human beings.”
My therapist: Yes, I see that. Stop calling me Diary.
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I asked my boss, “Can I have a week off around Christmas?” He growled, “It’s May!”
I countered, “Sorry. May I have a week off around Christmas!?”
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It doesn't matter if you're beautiful or ugly because at the end of the day..
it's evening.
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How do depressed frogs die?
They Kermit suicide.
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My girlfriend got mad at me for being lazy
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