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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
Todays Joke
0
I gave a PS5 to my girlfriend..
I consoled her. She was crying.
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Previous Dates
-2
Jeff, a semi colon, and an Oxford comma walk into a bar.
They both have a great time.
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1
My dad bought me a really cheap dictionary for my birthday.
I couldn't find the words to thank him.
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0
Why did the elephant leave the circus?
He was tired of working for peanuts.
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0
I finally got my dream job at the guillotine factory
I’ll beheading there shortly
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0
Why was it called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
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0
What does Keanu Reeves use to dry his tears when Keanu Grieves?
Keanu Sleeves
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0
Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than 5 moves.
Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.
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0
My grandfather died because the report said he had Type A blood.
Unfortunately it was a Type-O.
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0
I'm trying to get my son into books.
But no authors want to write about him.
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0
Why can't dogs play video games?
When they do, its always on paws.
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1
What do you call leftover lettuce?
The romaines
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1
A good romance starts with a good friendship. A bad romance on the other hand starts with...
Ra ra ah ah ah, ro ma ro ma ma, ga ga ooh la la, want yo bad romance.
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0
I have always wondered what it would be like to use a professional telescope.
I’m thinking of looking into it.
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0
Did you hear about the football team that doesn't have a website
They can't string three Ws together.
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0
Do you know how I embrace my mistakes?
I hug my wife and children.
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13
What did the computer say to the other after a 16 hour car ride?
"Damn that was a hard drive."
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0
What did the unborn twins say when they were hungry?
Feedus
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0
The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve.
It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.
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0
What does a dyslexic agnostic insomniac do on his free time?
He stays up at night wondering if there really is a dog.
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2
I hate how funerals are always at 9 or 10 am
I'm really not a mourning person.
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0
I used to hate facial hair
But then it grew on me
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0
When debating letters, you always want "i" and "j" on your team.
They always have a point.
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1
I wanted to impress my friends, so I learned how to improve my guitar skills.
It was A Major task but I can only C Minor improvement.
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0
What do French people say when riding a roller coaster?
OUUUIIIIIIIIII
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0
Who is a horses best friend?
The Neighbor.
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0
I’m not super experienced with wood carving.
I only know a whittle.
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1
I needed a password eight characters long
I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
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0
Did you hear about the circus fire?
It was in tents!
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0
Working out is like a drug to me.
I don’t do drugs.
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0
I told my son I was named after Thomas Jefferson…
He said, “But dad, your name is Brian.” I said, “I know, but I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson.”
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0
A sheep dog says to the farmer, "I'm going to round up the sheep." The dog comes back with 50 sheep. The farmers says, "we only have 48 sheep."
The dog replies, "Yea, I told you I was going to round them up."
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Joke of the Day
I gave a PS5 to my girlfriend..
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