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I told my son I was named after Thomas Jefferson…
He said, “But dad, your name is Brian.” I said, “I know, but I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson.”
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My wife gave me an ultimatum. It was either her or my addiction to sweets.
The decision was a piece of cake.
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What does Dracula say when he doesn't have good news?
"I have BAT news, everyone!"
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Why was the big cat disqualified from the race?
Because it was a cheetah!
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Daughter: Where are the Himalayas?
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