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Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than 5 moves.
Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.
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What kind of a prize do you give someone who hasn't moved a muscle in a year?
A trophy.
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To get to the time machine.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
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Customer: Why is this coffee so muddy?
Waitress: It was ground yesterday.
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My girlfriend got mad at me for being lazy
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