The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

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I gave a PS5 to my girlfriend..

Previous Dates

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I dated a twin once...

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I took the shell of my racing snail, thinking it would help him run faster.

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Call me a taxi!

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I just watched a video of a drill.

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Want to hear a pizza joke?

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My daughter was playing with my computer when she broke the R button and tried to eat it.

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I bet none of you will see this one coming

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Genie: What's your first wish master? John: I wish I was rich.

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What do you call a horse that moves around a lot?

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Why did the tomato blush?

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I won the "Most Secretive Guy" award in our office today.

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My colleagues at work have given me the nickname “Mr. Compromise.”

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How do you split the ocean in half?

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I saw a midget wearing a t-shirt with the slogan "I hate black people" on it...

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I saw an ad for burial plots and thought to myslef,

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So excited for autopsy club!

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What do you call a fear of giants?

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Bro, do you want this pamphlet?

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What is it called when one butt cheek is bigger than the other?

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How do you make a sausage roll?

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Teenager's dad: Have her back by 8:15.

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My wife and I lost 100 lbs combined!

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My dad threw a cheese shredder at me and he missed

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For the 10th year in a row, my coworkers voted me “the most secretive guy” in the office.

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What's the difference between a guitar, a fish, and glue?

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What did the coach say to the broken vending machine?

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Why are the Avengers so good with tools?

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I broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years because I found out she was a communist.

14

My wife thinks we should allow our pets to share our bed.... I finally gave in.

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My brother and I laugh at how competitive we were as kids.

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I know loads of jokes about cash machines.