The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

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I gave a PS5 to my girlfriend..

Previous Dates

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Studies show that 4 out of 5 men suffer from diarrhea at some point in their life.

1

I fed my wife some ground chick peas and she choked to death

5

My dad used to hit me with cameras

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My pet parrot Nico escaped yesterday and hasn't been seen since.

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My wife said I was immature.

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Tell me ONE thing wrong with overstocking grocery shelves. Go on.

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People told me I'd never be good at poetry because I'm dyslexic

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Its important to keep some candy in your pocket at all times.

1

How did the whale defend itself?

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I've developed a fear of negative numbers.

1

What is Santa’s religion?

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Knock-knock! Who's there? Albee. Albee who?

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What did the fat girl say to the pig?

1

To determine the gender of a parrot you have to stick your finger in the cage. If he bites you, he's a male...

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How does the ocean say hello?

1

I was going to tell a railway joke..

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Who is a dog's favorite comedian?

1

I'll never forget the last thing that Grandpa said before he kicked the bucket:

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If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it...

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Two cannibals are eating a clown.

1

If you bury someone in the wrong place,

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“Dear Diary, I think I have trouble distinguishing between inanimate objects and human beings.”

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Why did the cowboy adopt a dachshund?

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A horse walks into a bar...

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Why are the Avengers so good with tools?

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Why do barbers make good drivers?

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If prisoners could take their own mugshots what would they be called?

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You know what actually makes me smile?

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How do ponies communicate with each other?

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If I dont perfect human cloning..

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What gender pronouns does a chocolate bar use?