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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
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My pet parrot Nico escaped yesterday and hasn't been seen since.
All I have now is a Nico-less cage.
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“Dear Diary, I think I have trouble distinguishing between inanimate objects and human beings.”
My therapist: Yes, I see that. Stop calling me Diary.
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Why do hair dressers always get places faster?
Because they know all the short cuts.
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What do you get when you cross the Atlantic on the Titanic?
About half way...
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I don't trust these trees
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