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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
Todays Joke
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I gave a PS5 to my girlfriend..
I consoled her. She was crying.
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Previous Dates
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What does a dentist get on his one-year work anniversary?
A little plaque.
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1
My six-pack is very precious to me.
That's why I protect it with a layer of fat.
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Last week at the zoo, I saw a baguette in a cage.
It made me sad, because I knew it was bread in captivity.
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Our wedding was so beautiful …
Even the cake was in tiers.
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I had a racing snail...
To make him more aero-dynamic I took off its shell. If anything it made him more sluggish
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What did the yogi tell his restless students?
Don't just do something...sit there!
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What do you call a girl in the middle of a tennis court?
Annette
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1
Why did the nazi got run over?
Because he did nazi that coming.
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What did the bear say after hibernation?
I’m bearly awake.
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Whenever my dad goes to get gas he says “regular please” and when the gas station attendant (we live in Oregon) asks “fill?” my dad replies
“No, Fred, nice to meet you”
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What’s Whitney Houston’s favourite type of coordination?
HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!
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What does Keanu Reeves use to dry his tears when Keanu Grieves?
Keanu Sleeves
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Why did the Mexican push two of his three children off a cliff?
He only wanted Juan.
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What do you call a cow that learns how to belly dance?
A milkshake!
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I robbed a kitchen utensil store
I like to take whisks.
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If I ever go to Prison, I'm gonna change my name to Mitochondria
I want everyone to know I'm the powerhouse of the cell.
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Knock-knock! Who's there? Candy. Candy who?
Candy kid ever learn to clean up his room?
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What do you call a lame person who has telepathy?
Telepathetic
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1
If you bury someone in the wrong place,
you've made a grave mistake.
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1
Why won’t triangles go on dates with circles?
They’re pointless.
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6
A man woke up after a serious accident and he said “I can’t feel my legs!!”
The doctor said “I know you can’t, I’ve cut off your arms!
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I won an award for being the best scarecrow in my field.
I told them, "Hay, it's in my jeans."
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What do you call a pig with three eyes?
A piiig
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1
What's the difference between ignorance, apathy, and ambivalence?
I don't know and I don't care one way or the other.
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My cousins are like the letter K.
They are okay by themselves, but get horribly racist when 3 of them get together.
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Q: What's the worst thing about ancient history class?
A: The teachers always Babylon.
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If a child refuses to go to sleep, is he resisting arrest?
No, he's avoiding a kidnapping.
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6
The hardest part for someone when coming out
Saying it with a straight face
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How do alcoholics get in their house?
Wis key
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Do you know what’s up?
The ceiling.
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These reversing cameras are great.
Since I got one I haven’t looked back.
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Joke of the Day
I gave a PS5 to my girlfriend..
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