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While I was at the gym, I decided to hop on a treadmill.
People started giving me weird looks, so I started jogging instead.
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What's the best thing about dating a homeless woman?
You can drop her off anywhere.
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Therapist: Your wife has complained you never buy her flowers, what do you have to say to that?
Well, in my defense, I never knew she sold flowers.
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What noise does a 747 make when it bounces?
Boeing, Boeing, Boeing.
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My girlfriend got mad at me for being lazy
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