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Wife: What are you doing? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.
Husband: I was looking for the expiration date.
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Someone stole the harnesses at the canine facility last night...
Police have no leads.
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What follows two eyes?
Captain.
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I forgot where I threw my boomerang.
Oh. . . it's coming back to me now!
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My girlfriend got mad at me for being lazy
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