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What do you say to a woman who has given birth to members of the military?
Thank you for your cervix.
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What do you call a potato at a hockey game?
A spec-tater.
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Why was the piano on the porch?
Because it forgot its keys.
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My dad walked up to a Samsung security guard and asked,
"Are you guardian of the galaxy?"
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My girlfriend got mad at me for being lazy
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