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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
Todays Joke
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Daughter: Where are the Himalayas?
Father: If you'd clean your room, you'd know where to find things!
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Previous Dates
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I have a step ladder...
I never knew my real ladder, but my step ladder raised me.
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A jumper cable walks into a bar
The bartender says “I'll serve you, but don’t start anything!”
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Where do mice park their boats?
At the Hickory Dickory Dock.
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Who is the best kung fu vegetable?
Brocc Lee
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Who is a Covid-19 patient’s favorite composer?
Drycoughsky
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0
We all know where the Big Apple is but does anyone know where the
Minneapolis?
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2
If I had 50 cents for every Maths exam I failed
I’d have $8.40
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0
What did the priest say to the nun at the salad bar?
Lettuce pray.
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Four years ago today, I asked out the girl of my dreams. Today, I asked her to marry me.
She said no both times.
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I'm trying to get my son into books.
But no authors want to write about him.
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What kind of magic do cows believe in?
MOODOO.
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What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?
Same middle name.
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My neighbor blamed my gravel for making him fall…
But it was his dumb asphalt…
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6
I stole my ex girlfriend’s wheelchair
Guess who came crawling back
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3
When is a car not a car?
When it turns into a driveway!
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0
I like to tell dad jokes, but I don’t have kids.
I'm a faux pa!
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What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?
Bison.
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The internet connection at my farm is really sketchy, so I moved the modem to the barn.
Now I have stable wifi.
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As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden.
The plot thickens.
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What does Clark Kent use to keep the sun out of his eyes?
A supervisor.
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3
I was so bored sitting at home that I memorized six pages of the dictionary.
I learned next to nothing.
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0
What do you call a cheese that isn't yours?
NACHO CHEESE!
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Teacher (on phone): You say Michael has a cold and can't come to school today? To whom am I speaking?
Voice: This is my father.
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What do you call a broken can opener?
Can’t opener.....
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0
How often should a person make a chemistry joke?
Periodically.
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0
Why do birds fly south?
It’s easier than walking!
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0
I wrote a sequel to the movie "Airplane"
It never took off, the pilot was terrible.
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What do you call a piece of wood with nothing to do?
Bored.
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0
There's a video trending about a dyslexic enemy.
It's going rival.
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What do you call a small mother?
A minimum.
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The instructor in my self defence class told me that the most effective place to kick a man is near his knees.
Personally, I think it’s nuts.
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Joke of the Day
Daughter: Where are the Himalayas?
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