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Interviewer: We only hire people who are responsible.
Well, your search ends today. At my previous job, whenever something went wrong, everybody said I was responsible.
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How does a cup hang a picture?
UP AGAINST THE WALL!!
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I was at a restaurant with my wife when a waitress suddenly screamed, "Does anyone know CPR??"
I shouted, "Even better, I know the whole alphabet!" Everyone laughed... Well, everyone except this one guy.
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You do realise that Vampires aren't real..
Unless you Count Dracula.
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Daughter: Where are the Himalayas?
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