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I asked my wife to describe me in 5 words. She said I'm mature, I'm moral, I'm pure, I'm polite and I'm perfect! Then she added that I also...
...had a fundamental lack of understanding about apostrophes and spaces...
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How many snowboarders does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Fifty. Three to die trying, one to actually pull it off, and 46 others to say, "Dude, I could do that!"
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Why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie?
He was too far out, man.
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Why do most married men die before their wives?
Because they want to.
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What did the sushi say to the bee?
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