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Customer: Why is this coffee so muddy?
Waitress: It was ground yesterday.
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Did you hear about the dumb guy who got fired from his job at the M&M's factory?
He kept throwing away all the candies that had W's on them.
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I once gave my husband the silent treatment for an entire week, at the end of which he declared,
"Hey, we've been getting along great lately!'
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Toy story 4 used to have a scene where Woody's friends died.
They cut it from the script because it was too much of a buzzkill.
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My girlfriend got mad at me for being lazy
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