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Why are fish easy to weigh?
Because they have their own scales.
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What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
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What do you call a cheese that isn't yours?
NACHO CHEESE!
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When I got to work this morning, my boss stormed up to me and said, "You missed work yesterday, didn't you?"
I said, "No, not particularly."
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My girlfriend got mad at me for being lazy
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