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When my grandfather was ill, we rubbed lard on his back.
He went downhill quite quickly after that.
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What's the difference between a dad joke and a regular joke?
One has parental guidance.
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Why should you be worried if you see cows smoking marijuana?
Cause that's when the steaks are highest.
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I burned 2,000 calories yesterday.
Left the brownies in the oven too long.
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My girlfriend got mad at me for being lazy
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