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What does a dinosaur use to pay bills?
Tyrannosaurus checks
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What does a 6'5" butcher weigh?
Meat
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Patient: When my hand heals, will I be able to play piano? Doctor: Yes, you'll be fine in a few days.
Patient: Great! I've always wanted to play an instrument.
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Interviewer: We're looking for someone who is responsible. Do you fit that criteria?
Candidate: Well, in my last job when the store caught fire, my boss said that I was responsible.
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My girlfriend got mad at me for being lazy
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