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What days are the strongest?
Saturday and Sunday. The other ones are weak days.
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NURSE: "Blood type?"
DAD: "Red."
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Guy at the door: Sir, would you like to make a donation to the local orphanage?
Dad: No problem. (To me) Hey, you live with this guy from now on.
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What does toilet paper like alpine skiing?
Because it's the fastest way to get to the bottom.
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My girlfriend got mad at me for being lazy
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