The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

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Two atoms were walking down the street. One turns to the other and says, "Oh, no! I think I'm an ion!" The other asks, "Are you sure?"

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Before he passed away, my grandfather said, “Here are three words that would help open a lot of doors for you.”

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I entered my sons room and said, "Remember, boy, masturbating can make you go blind."

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My friend asked me if I wanted to hear a really good Batman impression, so I said go on then. He shouted, “NOT THE KRYPTONITE!” and I said, “That’s Superman…”