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My wife sent me an article that says men's beards have more germs than dogs.
I approve. There are no dogs in my beard.
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I ordered two large fries
and instead they just gave me a whole bunch of tiny little ones. This is bullshit.
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Yesterday I walked in on my girlfriend in bed with her personal trainer
I told her, "This isn't working out"
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Why did it take Russia so long to invade Germany?
They were Stalin.
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My girlfriend got mad at me for being lazy
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