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My neighbor told me he only sleeps standing up.
But everyone knows he lies a lot.
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What do you call peanuts with guns?
Packing Peanuts
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My wife told me, "You're a better husband than I'll ever be."
I responded, "Who the hell is Oliver B.??"
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I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
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My girlfriend got mad at me for being lazy
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