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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
4
My girlfriend says if we don’t get married soon, she’s gonna kill me.
...it’s a matter of wife or death.
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I told my son people keep accidentally pleading for me to purchase meat for them. He asked, “By mistake?”
I shouted, “Oh come on! Not you too!”
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To the guy who stole my antidepressants...
I hope you're happy now
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After a fish was arrested for swimming without a license, he eventually posted bail.
Relieved, he said, "I'm off the hook!"
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What did the sushi say to the bee?
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