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My Dad always told me to stand on a bottle of shampoo at job interviews...
That way I'd be 'head & shoulders' above the competition.
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A guy tried to sell me a mirror but I knew it was a scam.
I could see right through it.
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I broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years because I found out she was a communist.
I should have known, there were red flags everywhere.
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My wife said, “You really have no sense of direction, do you?”
I said, “Where did that come from?”
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What did the sushi say to the bee?
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