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I’ve dedicated my whole life to finding a cure for insomnia.
I won’t rest until I find it.
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Siri kept calling me Shirley this morning. I was starting to get really pissed off, and then I realized why...
I left my phone in Airplane mode
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Knowing how to use a guillotine
is certainly one way to get ahead..
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The world’s worst impressionist walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “Why the wrong face?”
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I don't trust these trees
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