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It’s a five minute walk from my house to the pub. It’s a 35 minute walk from the pub to my house.
The difference is staggering
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Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating?
Because they have no body to go with!
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Pride is what you feel when your kids net $100 from a garage sale.
Panic is what you feel when you realize your car is missing.
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A guy asked me if I wanted to donate for a swimmin pool..
So I gave him a glass of water.
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My girlfriend got mad at me for being lazy
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