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I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning
I noticed when my head hit the bottom of the mattress
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Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population?
Ireland. Every day it’s Dublin.
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My neighbor told me he only sleeps standing up.
But everyone knows he lies a lot.
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A neutron walks into a bar and asks, "How much for a drink?"
The bartender replies, "For you, no charge".
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My girlfriend got mad at me for being lazy
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