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I was on a date with a woman who said "I am a big country fan."
Me trying to sound intelligent: " Well, China is 3.7 million square miles. "
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What did the mama cow say to the baby cow?
"It's pasture bedtime."
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I have a pencil that used to belong to William Shakespeare. He chewed it a lot.
Now, I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B!
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Do you know why you can't hear pterodactyls urinate?
Because they are extinct.
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My girlfriend got mad at me for being lazy
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