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I was on a date with a woman who said "I am a big country fan."
Me trying to sound intelligent: " Well, China is 3.7 million square miles. "
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Why did Superman flush the toilet?
Because it was his duty.
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When people ask me if I exercise, I tell them I do crunches every day.
Cap'n Crunch, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Nestle Crunch...
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My deaf girlfriend was talking in her sleep last night.
Damn near poked my eye out.
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Daughter: Where are the Himalayas?
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