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I lost five pounds last week,
but I found them in a fridge over the weekend.
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Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work.
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I have a goal to stop being over ambitious.
I hope to hit it by tomorrow.
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A man in a wheelchair just stole my camouflage jacket :(
I hope he knows he can hide but he can’t run
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Daughter: Where are the Himalayas?
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