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I lost five pounds last week,
but I found them in a fridge over the weekend.
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Doing a good job at work is like wetting your pants in a dark suit.
You get a warm feeling, but no one else notices.
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My grandma isn’t a fan of her new stairlift.
She says it drives her up the wall.
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A farmer in the field with his cows counted 196 of them.
When he rounded them up, he had 200.
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My girlfriend got mad at me for being lazy
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