The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

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I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.

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I just watched a video of a drill.

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My friend said, “You have a BA, Masters and a Ph.D., but you still act like an idiot.”

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My wife sent me a heartwarming text that read, “If you're sleeping, send me your dreams. If you're laughing, send me your smile. If you're eating, send me a bite. If you're drinking, send me a sip. If you're crying, send me your tears. I love you!”