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I got fired from my lawn maintenance job.
I just wasn’t cutting it.
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I took my wife to a fancy restaurant where they make the food in front of you, but she wasn't very happy.
I told her next time she can pick the restaurant, if she really hated Subway that much.
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Why do bananas need sunscreen?
Because they peel.
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Nothing is made in the USA anymore!
I bought a TV yesterday that said “built in antenna”. I don’t even know where that is!
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Daughter: Where are the Himalayas?
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