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Got fired from the sperm bank yesterday
Apparently you’re not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say “get a load of this guy” every time someone walks in.
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A person asked me, "Aren't you the guy who brags about weird stuff?"
I replied, "No, Im the guy who takes the longest baths in the city".
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Strugglng to get your wifes attention?
Just sit down and look comfortable!
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Father: I know what's causing your bad grades. You're spending too much time watching television.
Kid: I'm sorry, you'll have to phrase that in the form of a question.
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I don't trust these trees
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